Image of female eastern tiger swallowtail on joe pye weed

The Beauty of Tattered Wings

“There is a crack, a crack, in everything; that’s how the light gets in.” —Leonard Cohen, “Anthem”

Image of splitting ash tree

Things fall apart. Sometimes they’re the little things: the doorknob to the attic, the light in the refrigerator, the timer on the clothes washer. Sometimes they’re much harder to replace: trunks that support huge canopies of beloved trees in our backyards or muscles that hold up the physical and emotional weight of our own heads.

Over the past month, all these minor and major breakdowns have come to pass on the little patch of planet my husband and I call home. Just after we discovered an irreparable crack in our old ash tree after some strong-winded storms, I began feeling a pain in the back of my head that quickly felled me for almost three weeks. Many doctors’ visits and scary hypotheses later, I’ve learned the reason: Though I try to stand straight and tall like our old tree did for so many years, bending but not breaking in the face of prevailing winds, the efforts have not been adequate. More often than not, I sink into my shoulders, especially at the computer, spending long hours leaning in the same position toward a world reduced to a 15-by-25-inch screen. Our tree swayed too much and too often; I have not swayed enough.

As I recover with the help of physical therapy and “postural reeducation” (a fancy term for breaking decades of sitting, breathing, sleeping, and lying down incorrectly), I have been feeling like Rip Van Winkle, discovering that even in the span of only a few  weeks, much has changed in the garden. The long-awaited joe pye weed blooms are just about to open, while the bee balm that was barely in flower in early July has already exhausted itself into a midsummer mildewed state. The Carolina wren babies have fledged, but the goldfinch families are just getting started. The butterflies we thought would never appear are here in every color and size—tiger swallowtails, monarchs, common buckeyes, fritillaries, clouded sulphurs, red-spotted purples, American ladies, azures, and members of other species who don’t sit still long enough for me to identify them.

Among those willing to pose for my camera, I’ve noticed more wear and tear than I would have expected at this time of year. Like me and the tree, many of these creatures are a little weathered now. Yet even those with only half their wings keep going. Their lives are much shorter than ours; most adult butterflies on this continent live an average of two weeks to a month.

I’m lucky. I get to stick around longer than that, and I don’t have to worry about other animals chomping on me. But this relatively modern comfort that we take for granted is in part responsible for my own tattered state. I sit and write because I can—because I don’t have to fight for survival against predators who want to gobble me whole—and it is both a luxury and a curse.

The butterflies don’t have that choice and can’t head to the urgent care clinic for wing repairs, so they press on until they’ve exhausted themselves. Over the years, their perseverance has inspired me. The animals in the following photo essay aren’t picture-perfect, but their age and experience convey a different kind of beauty—that of creatures who don’t take life for granted or give in to setbacks. Their wings may be torn, but these butterflies are not broken. They are still flying, and still trying. They are survivors.

Image of common buckeye on mountain mint
A common buckeye with a beak-shaped hole in his right wing rests on mountain mint (Pycnanthemum muticum).
Image of red spotted purple
Maybe the same bird tried to capture this red-spotted purple, who flew with seemingly no trouble in spite of this similarly beak-shaped hole in his hindwing.
Image of Eastern tiger swallowtail on Joe pye weed
An aging female Eastern tiger swallowtail held on long enough to enjoy the Joe pye weed (Eutrochium spp.) in full bloom. Females of this species can be yellow or darker in color.
Image of Eastern tiger swallowtail
Another Eastern tiger worked her way around the purple coneflower (Echinacea purpurea) despite the lack of a right hindwing.
Image of Eastern tiger swallowtail on Mexican sunflower
An Eastern tiger swallowtail with only half his wings fluttered around the Mexican sunflower (Tithonia rotundifolia) patch. Though I’m using male pronouns to describe this butterfly, I can’t be sure of the gender in the absence of an anatomical feature key to identification: Yellow female Eastern tiger swallowtails have more blue on their hindwings than males.
Image of monarch on boneset
As I headed to the grocery story one day, a fully intact male monarch visited the late-flowering boneset (Eupatorium serotinum). By the time I returned, he was missing a piece of his left forewing.
image of pearl crescent butterfly
A rather tattered pearl crescent kept me company as I created a new garden by killing the grass with newspapers and mulch. I began seeing these butterflies for the first time last year after I added more asters, the host plants for pearl crescent caterpillars.
Image of silver spotted skipper on wild bergamot
A remnant of wing hangs by a thread from a silver-spotted skipper, trailing behind him as he sips from wild bergamot (Monarda fistulosa).
Image of fritillary on wild bergamot
Another visitor to the wild bergamot lost a left hindwing.
Image of eastern tiger swallowtail on ironweed
New York ironweed (Vernonia noveboracensis) begins to bloom just in time for late-season butterflies both young and old.

Postscript: This week, Humane Gardener’s #WeedsNotWeeds series is featured in the Chesapeake Conservancy’s “Trips and Tips.” Be sure to check out this great newsletter, which provides details about fun and informative nature-focused events and activities in the Chesapeake Bay region.

9 thoughts on “The Beauty of Tattered Wings”

  1. Hey Nancy — take care of yourself, get better! Check out Miranda Esmonde-White’s “Aging Backwards”, “Classical Stretch” / PBS. Her advice about posture, stretching, & workout routines can help you to be doing well again. She has helped thousands of people who’ve had problems and/or want to function more optimally. We’re cheering for you!

    1. Hi Debbie! Thanks you – that sounds great. I will definitely check it out. Stretching has already helped substantially.

  2. Beautiful posting photos – as always!
    I can appreciate feeling tattered. I too was recently referred to physical therapy for (chronic) neck/shoulder/head pain (both from bending over phone/computer and from craning my neck to see birds…). Hope you’re feeling much better with therapy!

    1. Thanks, Melanie! Seems we’re at prime age for this now. That’s interesting that looking up at birds has contributed – bending down in the garden has done the same for me. We have to figure out a different way to do the things we live without hurting ourselves. PT definitely helps; I am so grateful for it. Hope you are feeling better too.

  3. Nancy, such a beautiful post! I’d like to share it with a private support group on Facebook, could you tell me how to do that link? Thanks (from my own wild garden near Chicago)..Martha

    1. Hi Martha, than you so much! Yes, I think the simplest way would be to click directly on the post and then grab the URL that comes up — which is https://www.humanegardener.com/?p=2073. When you do a status update in the private group, if you paste this link in, it should pull up the main photo and the title, etc., and people should be able to click on any part of it. Let me know if that doesn’t work. And it is neat/nice to hear from you because I read about your book on Eloise Butler a few months ago and added it to my book wish list! 🙂

  4. Hello. My name is Denise. I came across this article searching for some “meaning” or “quote” about broken wings. I got so much more! You see, I fell BACKWARDS in my garden a month ago. It has been very painful and difficult in my everyday living. I recently started going to a chiropractor. It has helped tremendously (especially the stretching exercises). I am glad I found this article. I sure hope you are doing well. Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *